


home ( is sometimes not where the heart is but where memories lie and cannot seem to die ).

by SHINeeNAilee



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Gen, because while Clow is home Hong Kong is also home, mentions of Li Sakura and Li Syaoran, the return to Hong Kong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 12:04:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10099835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHINeeNAilee/pseuds/SHINeeNAilee
Summary: It's home.He has been on this soil for a second, and he could already tell where he is. It has been eight--fifteen--years since he was here, but there is nothing quite like Hong Kong, nothing like the sounds and the smell and the magic of the city, breathing life into the soil and in the air.--Post TRC, Pre TWC.





	

It's _home_.

He has been on this soil for a second, and he could already tell where he is. It has been eight--fifteen--years since he was here, but there is nothing quite like Hong Kong, nothing like the sounds and the smell and the magic of the city, breathing life into the soil and in the air. He wonders, quite briefly, why would they appear here, and not in Kimihiro's shop, where a lot of the memories in Mokona's earring lie, but--

"Hey?" 

A heavy hand, calloused and familiar, rests upon the top of his head, and he blinks, startled out of his thoughts and raising his eyes to look Kurogane in the eyes. The black-haired man looks concerned--he could see it in the wrinkles in the corner of Kurogane's eyes, and his eyesight turns to look at Fai and Mokona ( hiding inside of Fai's shirt and peeking out ), both equally worried and clear in their expressions--the downward turn of their lips and their hesitance in voicing their thoughts. He doesn't want to worry them, so he takes in a deep breath ( taking in the familiar smell of the city--scent from the pork buns steaming nearby, the smell of smog still heavy in the air, and the stink that comes from this part of the city ) and tries to smile. 

"Sorry," he states, and a flash of displeasure runs through Kurogane's eyes--the swordsman never liked it when he apologised for no clear reason--even as he continues with, "This... is Hong Kong. Where I was born." 

Another flash runs through Kurogane's eyes, but he can't tell exactly what it is, and he doesn't need to see Fai and Mokona to know that the two of them are even more worried, unsure whether or not to lighten the conversation or not, whether to make this visit into a happy occasion or not. All of their home dimensions had ghosts--Kurogane, the ghost of his parents; Fai, the ghosts of his twin and the townspeople who loved him; Mokona, with the ghost of Yūko and even the more distant ghost of Clow Reed, and now it was time to see his ghosts, the memories of a happier time with his parents. 

His fists clench and then unclench. He purposefully tries to relax his muscles ( he's not exactly sure when he had tensed ), and the attempt of a smile on his face turns a little more genuine, even if it does feel  _tired_. "I don't know how much has changed in the city, but I can show you guys around. And...I can show you where I lived too." 

Kurogane's hand, from where it lies on top of his head, ruffles his hair before he withdraws his hand. Mokona, sensing that it was okay to make this happy, cheers, causing Kurogane to glare at her for making noise in a world where they ( the rest of the group, not him ) aren't sure if "walking, talking manjū buns are normal." 

Fai cheers as well, "coincidentally" overlapping with Mokona's cheer, and puts an arm around Kurogane's shoulders. "We'll make sure to enjoy ourselves, then ~ " 

"Get off me, you stupid mage," Kurogane grumbles, shoving Fai's arm off of his shoulders, but there's a little twitch to the corner of his mouth that betrays his false continence of annoyance. He breathes once again, and he sets off. 

* * *

 

He takes them to the Yuen Po Street at the bird market, where he shares a story of him as a small child, crying because a bird had released excrement on him. His grandmother had wiped his tears and told him to stop crying for this was good luck, and perhaps he should share some of that good luck with the rest of them, so that they may win the lottery. He remembers his grandmother buying a lottery ticket and being so disappointed when she didn't win anything, and he had forgotten all about his tears to try to cheer her up. 

"You have a--" Mokona begins to ask, but then falls silent. 

He smiles, a sad one, but a smile nonetheless. It makes Fai squeeze his shoulder in an attempt to comfort. "Yes, I have a grandmother. In fact, I have a very large family. The Li clan is a large and very influential clan, especially in regards to the magical community, but also in the area of business."

He realises, just then, he does not know what happened to the clan, what happened to the rest of his family. Kimihiro--Kimihiro was "born" of his parents, just as he, but he was not a part of the Li clan. Did his reversal of time, did he change them? Were he to return, would they not know him ( Li Xiǎoláng and Li Sakura no longer exist, and Li Yì is a paradox with no beginning and no end ), or do they no longer even exist? Did he kill them, as he killed so many just for his wish to turn back time so Sakura could live? 

"Hey." 

Firmer, this time, that word, and instead of a hand on the top of his head, he gets a strong grip on his right shoulder to match the one on his other. He feels fur nuzzling his cheek and knows Mokona is there to try to comfort him. He blinks, not even knowing how pale he had gotten, and his eyes focus a bit more on his companions. From the grim look on Kurogane's face, from the downward turn of Fai's lips, they both must have come to the same conclusion as he did. 

"It's fine." No, it's not. Don't lie to them. But...he doesn't want to talk about this. Not now, not before...( he knows for certain ). He lifts his arms and squeezes both of their wrists in return as thanks, and, when the other two let go of him, he lets go of them to hug Mokona gently in gratitude. When he lets go, he doesn't exactly feel better, but he feels...more solid. Less of an undesired ghost who no one knows; he feels that he...belongs, at least. Here, with them and with Kimihiro and with his family in Clow. 

Still, he no longer wants to visit his uncle's restaurant. 

He is, however, going to go visit his house. 

* * *

 

The walk to his house is not quiet--he would have felt terribly awkward if it had been--with Fai remarking on the different kind of trees and Mokona naming all of them for Fai, citing the skill as one of her 108 abilities. Kurogane walks beside him, even though the swordsman normally would have taken rear guard to protect their backs. It's a small gesture, having Kurogane beside him, and he takes it for the comfort it's meant to be. 

Still, his mind can't help but conjure up worries: what if the house is silent, and the only people who had ever lived there are the ghosts that live in his own memories? What if the house is bustling and loud and noisy with his family, but not one of them recognises him, and all he sees reflected into their eyes is the stranger that he has become? 

He pauses a split second before Fai does, and Kurogane follows his lead as Mokona falls silent, reading the air. Normally, Fai would detect hidden magic faster than he ( though, not by much, as his speed continues to get faster as he grows older and his magical abilities continue to grow ), but he is used to this magic--the magic of the Li clan, gentle like the moon's rays of light but holding a definitive strength. 

"There is a protective ward up," he states ( knowing that it means people, knowing that it means his house is lived in because who would protect a house with no tenants ), and Fai nods, looking into the air with curiosity in his face. 

"It's very similar to the wards that you put up, Syaoran- _kun_ ," Fai states, his voice full of awe, "but this ward is old, so very old, and it has many spells woven into it, to make this protection the best it could possibly be. It's a very advanced piece of magic, and one very ancient yet new at the same time." 

"What does that mean?" asked Kurogane, as despite having been around magic for most of his life, the theory of magic tends to be lost on the swordsman in a way that it isn't with Fai and he. 

Fai shrugs. "We could break it, but it'd be too exhausting, not worth it, and we would no doubt end up informing the leader of the Li clan as to our arrival. There _is_ a part of the ward where if we don't ill will, we can still walk through the ward, but the Li clan would be alerted no matter what, and there doesn't seem to be a weakness in the ward either. I could try a spell that would avoid detection, but with a ward such as this...it might not work." 

Mokona hops from Fai's shoulder to his own. "What do you want to do, Syaoran?"

He wants to see his house. It would hurt, it would cause him to ache from the very depths of his soul, to see the house he had once lived in, to remember all of the happy times he had with his family, but...

( The last time he was this afraid, Sakura was dying. Kurogane was dying. Fai was dying. The world was ending. He had faced his fears then, and he would face them now. ) 

He lets out a breath and looks onward with determined eyes. "Let us ask for entry." 

A slender hand squeezes his shoulder ( Fai ), and he sees Kurogane nod from the corner of his eye, and he also knows that Kurogane is ready for a fight in case one breaks out. He takes in a deep breath and reaches out a hand towards the ward. His hand glows in a message ( _Please grant us an audience_  ), and the light travels through the ward and to his grandmother--no, the leader of the Li clan. 

"What did you just do, Syaoran?" asked Mokona, ever curious. 

"All children of the Li clan know how to do this," he states, his hand still outstretched, his hand still glowing. "If we ever left the clan area for any reason, we were supposed to, ah, I guess you could call it...'sign in' in this way. If we crossed through the ward without doing this, it meant that we were bringing over friends with no magical capabilities, and the rest of the clan is supposed to hide all signs of magic." 

Before Mokona or any of the others could ask anymore questions, the light in his hand pulsed with a different colour, and he heard ( _I will be there shortly_ ) from a familiar voice, and one he had not been expecting to hear. He blinks, the glow on his hand receding as he puts his hand down by his side. 

"What did they say?" asks Kurogane, eyes narrowing. 

"Gr--the leader of the Li clan is coming to greet us," he states, sounding bewildered. 

Fai tilts his head. "From the sound of your voice, it doesn't seem like that happens often." 

He shakes his head. "No, she usually sends someone else to initially greet a vistor--but, perhaps because I used a way of messaging that only the Li clan knows..." 

"...She wants to know who you are in person," finishes Fai thoughtfully. "Makes sense." 

"Will she start a fight?" asks Kurogane, eyes watching for any hint of an attack. 

He shrugs. "There's not been a situation like this before, not that I can remember, but Gr--the leader of the Li clan always tried diplomacy first over violence. That doesn't mean she's afraid to get violent, however, and she's _very_ strong." 

He's saved from answering any more questions, or is stopped settling any more worries, when he notices the figure walking towards them. The figure is a familiar one, and he finds his back straightening as it always tended to do in her presence before she smiled at him and started to play with him ( his father had always said he was lucky, in that aspect ). Mokona, upon seeing the figure, jumps into Fai's shirt to hide, and Fai places a hand over Mokona's hiding spot to settle her and to calm her. Of course, he knows it doesn't matter if Mokona hides or not--the figure would no doubt sense Mokona. 

The entire group is silent when his grandmother stops in front of them. She's a grand figure, even to him, and she doesn't look as if she has aged at all since he was a child--if she could age, within the time that he rewound. Pale face, raven hair, ruby lips, and a white hànfú, she's a beautiful woman, and he can tell Kurogane is affected by her by how his back straightens just the tiniest bit. 

Li Yèlán stands in front of the group, but she only seems to notice him. The two of them stare into each other's eyes, and he almost wanted to bite his lower lip in a fit of nerves that is quite unlike himself. Her hand reaches out to touch his face, and he senses more than sees both Kurogane and Fai tense. However, upon no negative reaction from him, they both wait, and he allows the hand to stay on his cheek without even attempting to move away. 

"You are one of mine," his grandmother states with certainty, and he finds himself relaxing ( she doesn't know him, but she _knows_ , and that will have to be good enough until he can get his parents back ). "You have been through much, and you may always find refuge here with your family." 

The hand that had been touching his cheek drops back to her side, and this time, she eyes his travel companions as well--including the hidden Mokona. "For as long as you're in this world, you are honoured guests of mine, and if anyone treats you rudely, let me know. Come, now, you must be hungry for dinner." 

* * *

 

He finds himself walking through the backyard when night falls, and he knows he's not alone when he hears footsteps follow. He tilts his head as if to tell the other three he may join them, and all of them catch up to him, no longer worried about intruding.

"So, this is your birthplace," Fai wonders out loud, and he nods. 

"Yes, I spent the first six, almost seven, years of my life here before I travelled to Clow Country." His eyes look at the pond in the backyard, remembering how his father had given him his sword by its side along with his name, remembering how he used to swim in it in the summer with his cousins; a bright, happy child, even if sometimes serious and too mature for his age. His aunt had always said he had an old soul, and he never quite understood what to make of that comment when he had been a child. Now, he has a vague reason as to why.

"I used to train beside here with my father, while my mother was in the kitchen, baking us sweets--she had always been better at making sweets than my father, but my father had always been better at cooking than her. When she was finished, she would carry the sweets and tea to that table right there," and he nods to the mentioned table, "and then my father and I would take a break, and we would all eat together." 

( "Tsubasa!" His mother had said with a bright smile. "It's time to stop to eat now. I've made you and your father's favourite." 

"What your mother doesn't tell you, Yì, is that this is her favourite too," his father had said with a wink, as he kissed his mother on the cheek in gratitude. 

Back then, he had wanted to his father to pick him up so that he could kiss his mother on the cheek too, and so his father had done so, and his mother had laughed with a laugh of chiming bells, so beautiful, so pure. ) 

He lets the illusion of his story live for a bit, letting them picture how his childhood--how his father and mother's adulthood--would have been like. Simple, happy, with an undercurrent of tension that spoke of the dangers to come. After all, none of his other cousins had to learn how to fight as early as he did, but he had still been allowed time to grow, to laugh, and to play like the child he had been. 

( Yet he had still grown up too fast ). 

It was quiet for a moment, them still imagining the scene, before Kurogane states quietly, "You can talk about them, you know." 

Startled, he stares up at the swordsman whilst blinking, but his attention is turned to Fai when the mage puts a hand on his shoulder and nods. 

"I know you don't talk about them often because you're worried about making us sad, but as much as they were _ours_ , they were also **yours**. If you want to talk about them, if you want to share stories about them, we won't be upset," Fai states, voice soft and calm. 

His mouth dries even as his eyes waters, and he nods, voice suddenly silent. He's--it's true that he tries not to mention his parents much because he knows that they--Kurogane, Fai, Mokona--loves them like family, and he had never wanted to hurt them by talking about them if they were not ready, but... ( he's not sure what it is, he can't exactly grasp it, but there is a "but" to that sentiment. Perhaps it's because, sometimes, it's still too painful for _him_ to talk about his parents. Perhaps it's that, sometimes, it's better to pretend that his home world **_is_** Clow Country because, that way, he doesn't have to think about the happy childhood that he lost when everything went wrong. Perhaps it's both of them amongst a myriad of different feelings and reasons, all causing the silence about his parents and about his childhood, he's not sure, and he doesn't know if he'll ever be sure ). 

Mokona bounces from Kurogane's shoulder to his own as she states, "Plus, it's nice to hear that they were happy, even after everything, that they were still able to find each other and find joy. Of course, we have that evidence right in front of us in _you_ , Syaoran, but it'd be nice to hear more!" 

He--No, he's Yì, here, isn't he?--Yì smiles, a warm, genuine smile, and pats Mokona on the head. 

Maybe, maybe now he will make more of an effort. Maybe it'll still hurt--for all of them, no matter what Fai says--but isn't it just like him to still do what is right and good, even if it does hurt? 

"What do you want to know?" Yì asks, and it feels like a new beginning. 

**Author's Note:**

> A realisation of my headcanons, and a scene--well, scenes--I so desperately would like to see. 
> 
> Some notes and explanations: 
> 
> The way Tsubasa refers to himself is a little messed up--he doesn't call himself "Syaoran" internally, even if he goes by it externally, but he doesn't call himself "Tsubasa" or "Yì" in his own thoughts either. However, since he is in Hong Kong, he does eventually think of himself as Yì. There is no canonical evidence that suggests that, so this one is pure headcanon.
> 
> Yì is the Cantonese reading of 「翼」, the kanji that would, most likely, make up Tsubasa's first name; although, Tsubasa is officially written as 「ツバサ」 in the Japanese character books, but, shhh, ignore that. 
> 
> People in Hong Kong tend to learn how to speak Mandarin, Cantonese, and English ( I'm not saying this is true for everyone; I don't live in Hong Kong, so I don't know ). We know Tsubasa speaks Japanese--or, rather, the same language as Clow Country, and has some words that are similar to Kurogane's definite version of ancient Japanese--but I've always been fond of the idea that he knows the languages of his hometown as well, and it was the way he was able to separate himself from his clone while seeing his life. 
> 
> Thus, the reason why Li Syaoran calls him "Yì" is because he is speaking Cantonese and the reason why Li Sakura calls him "Tsubasa" is because she's speaking Japanese, or the Clow Country version. To Tsubasa, who has grown up with his mother speaking Japanese and his father speaking Cantonese, Mandarin, and English, this is not unnatural to him. ( Li Sakura can speak Cantonese, Mandarin, and English, and, obviously, Li Syaoran can speak Japanese. However, they decided to let Tsubasa grow up this way so he wouldn't lose any of his languages ). 
> 
> We know for a fact that Tsubasa's Hong Kong is within the same dimension as Yūko's--now Watanuki's--shop. 
> 
> Since Kinomoto Sakura came to Li Sakura in a dream, we can assume that the Cardcaptor Sakura cast is in a different dimension--plus, I'm pretty sure the universe would, like, implode if Li Syaoran ( from Cardcaptor Sakura ) was living in the same world as Li Syaoran ( from Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle ) and Li Tsubasa. 
> 
> I do not think that Tsubasa has ever called Kurogane or Fai by name out loud canonically, and for the sake of story telling connivence, I do have Tsubasa call Kurogane and Fai by their names in his thoughts. I haven't been able to read all of TRC in Japanese, but he certainly never did in TWC, which is where we see the three of them the most comfortable. Kurogane rarely calls Tsubasa by "Syaoran," but he does call Tsubasa "Boy" or "Kid" and he does call Fai by "Mage" or "Wizard" more than calling him by his name. 
> 
> I doubt that the Li clan would have faded into nonexistence without Li Syaoran or Li Sakura--they would not have them within their records, of course, but the loss of one child would not make a whole clan disappear ( Probably. Hitsuzen could be a bitch that way ). However, there is no doubt that they are a lot weaker in the magical community, now, as they have no strong successor for the bloodline, since the only one with strong magic in the family is Li Yelan--Syaoran’s mother. 
> 
> These notes are almost as long as the story itself, lol. I hope you enjoyed!


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